bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
