I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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