Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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