I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
