He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize