Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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