If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Im part way to drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
