I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
