have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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