Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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