9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
