so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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