when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to fling myself into the sun
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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