Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize