Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
