I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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