my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm jealous of your bromance
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
