Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
