David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
