nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
