it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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