This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
