She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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