HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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