ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
