Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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