If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Randomize
