I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
