I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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