Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
