happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
