I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
