good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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