I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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