question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
