Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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