i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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