I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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