I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you traded sex for a burrito?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
