I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
