i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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