I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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