No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
