How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
