You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
