barbara walters just said penis...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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