At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
