honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
