He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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