I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will pee on everything he values.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
