why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
