Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
