what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
