Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
