is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
