The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize