cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
