I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
