Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
