he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
