I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
