It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pants are for mortals
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
