Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
