we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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