I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
